Amor Fati

Recently I was watching a movie called The Good Person. Not to beat the same drum again, but I was watching the movie because I was a background extra in a couple of scenes that feature the great Morgan Freeman. Some people on my social media have said, "enough already Chris" about your "big" appearance.

The reason I'm bringing it up AGAIN, is because a couple of quotes delivered during the movie from Morgan Freeman's character really struck me. Upon researching both, I discovered they are well known and circulated, but yet were new to me. See, just when you think you lived a long life and have heard everything, you learn something new that was old. Just another beautiful aspect of living, if you listen and pay some attention.

The first line that jumped out at me came from a scene in which Morgan Freeman's character said to his troubled granddaughter. "Comparison is the thief of joy."

The line has been attributed to Theodore Roosevelt. Mark Twain later gave it an even more detrimental quality by saying "comparison is the death of joy." The bottom line here is the same, just one carries a heavier handed result.

While again, I had never heard the quote before, we have probably all experienced someone advising us with its intent. Usually it was in a more succinct "stop comparing yourself to others" or "who cares what they have?" However, there was something that resonated more with me in this quote. It's the part about it being the thief of joy. Wow. Why would we keep doing this to ourselves if it robs us of joy and accomplishes nothing positive for us. Yet we do.

I have tried over the years to eliminate comparisons from my thought process. I've made some progress, but I still, while less often, fall into the comparison trap. Through work in therapy, I probably made the most progress in eliminating comparisons of my behavior to others behavior in life. This played a big part when it came to learning how to accept and forgive myself for things I was not proud of doing.

The other more common aspect of comparison is generally about possessions or accomplishments. Comparisons of your home verse a peer or friends home. How much money someone makes relative to you. Vacations, cars or second homes. Often material comparisons are made. Think about every time you've done that. The resulting effect is pretty consistent, falling into the negative range of feelings. It leads to frustration about your own life, perhaps resentment with your partner. Some may even get depressed knowing they may never have the things Mr. & Mrs. Jones have. Not a great idea to compare.

The other very common comparison, is position and status at work or in your career. There will almost always be someone at a higher grade or position than you in the working world. Perhaps you have your own business, but then you probably compare yourself to other privately owned entities. I would think in most cases the resulting feeling is the same. I'm not good enough, why them and not me? The list goes on and on with all comparisons making us feel crappy.

My final point on this before I move on, is to take a look at a possible positive side of comparison. What if we compared ourselves to someone else and saw how much better off we were. Does that type of comparison bring us joy? It might, on the surface. If you were raised Catholic you might in turn experience guilt from having a better life than some others. I'm still trying to shake those feelings from my Catholic School days.

If you revel in a life that's seemingly better than others, then intentionally or unintentionally you are placing them in a negative light. You are in a sense a reason for robbing their joy. That's not to say we should not embrace or celebrate our lives and what we have accomplished. Just leave comparison out of it. It's not healthy on any front. Accept and embrace what we have been given in this life. Which brings me to the next quote. The one in which this blog is titled. AMOR FATI.

Amor fati is a Latin phrase, which when translated means "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". This was the tattoo that Morgan Freeman's character had on his wrist in "The Good Person". The phrase is linked most often to Nietzsche, although it is not clear if he is the originator.

So what does this phrase mean? It's one of those simple, but very complex phrases. The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzche described it as the concept for human greatness. The quote is as follows: "That one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still conceal it...but love it."

More simply stated, amor fati, is adopting the philosophy in which we accept and embrace all of our experiences in life. This means triumphs, challenges and setbacks should all be viewed in the end as positive and necessary.

This lead to a group of believers in this principal or philosophy known as the Stoics. Stoics were popular in ancient Greece and ancient Rome. The core of their belief was that virtue was the greatest and only good for humanity. Things like health, pleasure and wealth are in themselves not good or bad in themselves but have value as "material for virtue to act upon."

History shows various thoughts and opinions on Stoicism that many felt challenged formal religions such as Catholicism or Christianity. Others claiming it's an atheistic approach. Still some relate it to being similar to existentialism. Feel free to research any and all of that further, but that would require me writing more of a thesis than a blog.

In general the purpose of my writing these posts is to either entertain, inform or create some food for thought for readers. I just found this simple phrase to have so much power in altering our perspective to our individual life events. It's easy to embrace the obviously good things in life. Finding and having someone to love and that loves you. The support of friends and family. A job that you enjoy performing everyday and are comfortably compensated. With all of these things, one could easily embrace "amor fati"(love your fate).

Where this philosophy takes on a much more powerful impact, is practicing it in the face of things we ordinarily would categorize as negative. How can you love and embrace losing your partner? Getting fired from your job? Having sick or dying parents? Taking ill and having to spend time in a hospital? The list could go on and on.

I recently had a discussion with a very close member of my family about this philosophy. They weren't buying into this embracing of these negative things and loving the fate that brought them to you. I gave examples of people who have done it, including myself. I was told "well not everyone can do it, some people just can't". Can't? My Dad always used to say to us as kids if we said "I can't", "there's no such thing as can't!" The older I got, the more I loved that. The reality is not that you can't, but more you don't want to.

In many cases, it might seem almost disrespectful to the seemingly bad thing that happened if we took the approach of, this is my fate and I will love it. It may hurt. It may feel awful. However, it is MY fate and I can do nothing about that, so I will embrace it.

Don't get me wrong, but this does sound a little bit like looking at the world through "rose colored glasses."Perhaps it is. But is that really a bad thing? Maybe taking something closer to the amor fate approach for these disturbances in our lives would save us time from questioning why me, and more time on what did I learn from this? How can I be thankful for this and flip it to see how I can move on. Not wasting too much time lamenting, but listening quietly to yourself and where it wants to take you.

Obviously this is not as easy as it sounds. Some situations are easier to accept than others. Having been at the crossroads on a few of these, with time I managed to move forward. In retrospect, I realized it was the moment I accepted these things without anger, or why me, what did I do, that I was free to move on. It was really my embracing my fate. It follows in the path of "everything happens for a reason."

Once again, this post is just scratching the surface of something that goes much deeper. During this holiday season and heading into the New Year, many of you may find yourself in what feel like very tough times. Hopefully you can take some of this philosophy discussed here to at least allow you to find some peace in your troubled times. Until next.....Sunshine Always!