Friendship to Brotherhood

Recently I had the chance to connect with a friend on a Sunday afternoon at a sports bar in midtown NYC. When I say friend, this is a buddy I've known since Pee-Wee Little League Baseball. To put that in perspective, that's over half a century of friendship. This friend moved out to Long Island upon getting married and I shortly moved out to NJ. Unfortunately, the combination of that distance and both of us starting families, led to less and less getting together.

Of course, everytime we do gather, it's just like old times and the laughs flow until our wives give us the look. You might know the look, having either received it or given it. The point being, neither time or distance could ever diminish the strength of the friendship.

When we were in our teens and 20s, there were also other friends that were in this tight kinship. When I got married at the ripe young age of 23, a couple of buddies were flying single at the time and would often hang with my wife, Nancy and myself at our first apartment in Kew Gardens, Queens.

Below is a photo of our first New Years Eve as a married couple. Of course I'm not in the picture as I was the photographer. This is obviously long before cell phone cameras and selfies.

As we go through life and years pass into decades passed, the value of certain friendships sometimes gets rekindled.

In my lifetime I've had many friends. As you go through the different stages in life, friends are collected from childhood to work friends. Other friends come from perhaps being involved in some specific group or team. Later you sometimes gain friends from the parents of your children's friends or teammates. Then the revolving friends from work as you may or may not change jobs along the way. I've also had other friends that came along from more unique scenarios at various times in my adult life.

We recently had someone on our late afternoon newscast on PIX11 talking about friendships. She discussed how we sometimes view them almost like relationships we would have with a lifetime partner. However, friendships sometimes can be fleeting. They may have fit a certain "season" of your life, but then the dynamic changes and the friendship dissolves.

I tended to be more reserved and cautious in my making friendships earlier in my life. Perhaps that's the reason they are the ones that are so deeply rooted in me today.

Later in life, others came along, some I certainly still maintain today. These can be quite pleasant and perhaps are bound by a particular commonality. Maybe it's the connection through sports, music or travel. Perhaps it's someone you click with when it comes to trying new food or wine. Those are just a few examples of friendships bound by something external.

I've had a couple of friendships over the years just drift away. Some ended in a misunderstanding. These often are the ones I have the tougher time walking away from. I'm not comfortable going to sleep at night knowing perhaps someone doesn't like me or can't be bothered trying to maintain a friendship with me. I've gotten better dealing with these scenarios, but I would lying if I said it doesn't still occasionally make me uncomfortable when I think about them.

This brings me to the reason I decided to write about the subject of friendship. We have all heard the old adage you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Hence, if you're having a hard time keeping some friends or can never have that one solid goto person outside of your family, then the issue might be more about you, than them. You make the choices. Choose your "real" friends wisely.

Let go of any pain, animosity or disappointment you might have from friendships that have ended or dissolved. The longer we live, typically we become a better judge of who is good for us and who might be toxic.

You need to listen to your friends with an open and accepting mind. You don't have to agree on everything, that would be quite boring.

It doesn't mean we still don't judge, but we learn to see the value in these relationships and just how integral they are to our lives. The friends that survive time and hardships, as well as the joys of life, are the ones to treasure. These are the friends I like to call a brethren hood.

I was never a fan of the scorekeeping friend. You know who that is. The one that keeps track of who calls who more often, or is late in responding to texts. I've discovered over the years that it doesn't matter. What does, is that the friend is someone who is always there for you in the toughest of times as well as the best.

I went through a really tough period of years some time ago. Of course my family was there for me, but I have to say without some of the friendships, I may not have made it through as successfully as I have.

All I'm saying, appreciate these special friends that become our brothers and sisters. They are priceless. Most importantly, let them know how you feel as they deserve to hear it. In the end we are really here for each other. Love your brother.....love your sister.....love your partner, but remember to love your friend(s).