While on the surface aging can seem like something of a drag that you would like to ignore, in reality it may turn out to be something very positive. Researchers have discovered something called "the paradox of aging". It's known as the u-curve of happiness. Of course, like with any of these concepts or interpretations, one size does not fit all. I must admit however, on a personal note, when I read about this for the first time, I was someone who certainly checked all of the boxes of the U Curve of Happiness.
I'm writing this post more as a food for thought piece than a definitive acceptance of the U curve theory. Many studies have been done in the US as well as around the world. The outcome seems to suggest a clear and distinct pattern. Of course for me, at this stage in my life, this theory is exactly what I want to hear. If I was in my 30s or 40s I would try very hard to debunk the suggested conclusions.
Most of us can agree we are pretty happy from 10 to 20 years old. We are still leading fairly low responsibility lives at this point, although I know some may have different stories. As I stated earlier, I will speak to the generalities here and wait for some of you to chime in with your life experiences by contacting me via the website or email. More on that later.
The things that could certainly mess with your happiness in those years, are dating, maintaining high grades as you deal with college entrance and just overall peer pressure. I might add that things were much different in my teen years compared to today. I didn't have the pressure of competing for high end colleges for example. That was not even a choice, as my family couldn't afford it, and quite frankly none of my peers could either, let alone the fact that many didn't even attend college.
The social media pressure and bullying of today didn't exist either. So as I step through the decades of life here, understand it's from the perspective of someone 60 years old(plus a couple....cough....cough). For me, my teens and 20s were pretty happy times. I got married. Landed a job in my field of choice, meteorology. Became a Dad by 28 years of age. There was a bit of stress when I changed careers for a time and became a computer programmer for AT&T and moved out of NYC to the suburbs of NJ. While these may have been occasionally tense times, they were exciting and new experiences. So my overall feeling on my 20s was one of happiness.
If you are in your 50s plus and reading this, I'm sure many of you got married in your 20s or early 30s. Perhaps you started a family. In many cases you begin to climb the ladder in your chosen field slowly as you approach 30. Something else starts to increase as well. Responsibility. Bills. Debt. Pressure to succeed. You start to see others pass you by. Either with a better job, a bigger home, a fancier car. Often this time brings on some of life's disappointments you must carry with you. The hope is you persevere, so you can reach those expectations you set for yourself. Or did YOU put them upon you. Maybe society pressure led you to set them in your head. I digress.
In any case, in my opinion, your 30s should still be a fairly happy time. For many it depends on whether or not you've started a family at this point. How big is that family? Are you feeling financially pinched and stressed or perhaps your job and income are more than enough to provide you and your family with happiness. Not always, but this is often the time when couples in particular, begin to have some difficulties in their relationship because of the financial burden as well as the child rearing needs that have to be dealt with. Again, everyone's individual journey of happiness or unhappiness is different.
I don't want to dwell on any one particular decade per se, but the 40s heading toward 50 could be one with unsettling change and transition for some. On the other hand many find their careers climbing to higher levels. With the kids getting older perhaps it's more day to day freedom for the one responsible for the majority of care of the children. A positive could be a little more money for vacations etc. However, much the opposite feelings could be occurring. You might be dealing with more financial stresses trying to figure out how you are going to fund those outrageous college tuitions. Perhaps your company was sold or is downsizing and your plump salary has now become something they decided they can't carry and you find yourself unemployed in your 40s.
It seems from the study that the 40s in particular are where the first significant dip in our happiness levels takes place. This sets the stage for the infamous you know what? MID-LIFE CRISIS!!!(echo...echo..echo). One study from Switzerland said that 92% of people believed in a mid-life crisis and 71% said they knew someone who had experienced one. What can often happen here in life is triggered by a sense of retrospection. It's that point in your life where the treadmill you've been running on to succeed and provide and produce has slowed down. It's that, "now what happens?" moment. How did I get here? Is this where I want to be? You start doing the math on life expectancies and have that holy crap moment of "I don't have that much time left". Maybe there's more to life for me? I can hear that bucket list train coming around the bend now.
I won't go into details here, perhaps in a later blog, but damn if I didn't fall right into a mid-life crisis myself at around 49. Several things triggered it. After years of the spotlight being on the kids they were now on their way into their own life's journey and the spotlight starts to swing back onto yourself and or your marriage. Some might be happy with that and enjoy the new found space in freedom from some responsibilities. Others, like myself, thought, "what am I doing here?" Is this where I want to be? Am I living this life for me or for everyone else's needs? These thoughts, right or wrong, sent me for a loop. Not a good loop I might add.
Case in point, I was at the bottom of my happiness curve heading into 50. My curve dipped lower as well due to unforeseen or controllable circumstances. The health of my loved ones and the loss of them from my life is a different story. I thought I was at rock bottom at around 50. I reinvented rock bottom at 55. Obviously that part of the story is individual to me, although it may have happened to some of you as well. My point is, I had that dip in happiness even before any of the illnesses took precedence over my emotional state. It truly existed for me and apparently many others as you look at the studies for the U-Curve of Happiness.
I'm sure many of you will not, or did not, experience anything like that, but it seems enough do, or the term mid-life crisis would not exist. All I can say is, you do come out of it. The issue might become the collateral damage you create in the process. Many people end up separated or divorced during this time. Sometimes a significant career change is made, one that puts you in a tougher financial position, but you think and hope will take you on a happier path than your previous career. This sports car is great, but I keep burning my balding head with the sunroof open. I feel, we like to think of this time as reclaiming our lives for ourselves again even if we make some not so wise decisions.
So as you leave behind your mid-life bottoming out, or perhaps if lucky enough never had one, it's upward we go! Our U-Curve of Happiness begins its climb towards greater levels of joy as we head into our later 50s and 60s and beyond. We tend to have more freedom at this point and hopefully a little more money we can spend on ourselves. Whether it's traveling more, or taking up lessons to learn an instrument or craft, or maybe starting that little business you always had such a passion for.
These are the days we take the knowledge from the life we've lived. The joys, the pain and battle scars. We may not physically be the same, but we are empowered by something greater. Our values have settled into a place hopefully that we are fully connected to. That inner peace knows not only how to bring ourselves greater joy from every day of life, but to spread it to those around us.
Don't fear your 60s and beyond. God willing your health allows you the opportunity to explore more of what brings you happiness in the next couple of decades and beyond. I could go on further on a personal level, but my story is a bit different than most. With that, I would love to hear from all of you about your feelings on the U-Curve of Happiness and what your experiences have been like. Also feel free to share your experiences and things you are planning to do in moving forward. We all need to inspire each other, as life after 50 should only just be getting started.
Feel free to leave your responses in the comment section or email me at chrisc@weatheringlife.net. A link is provided on the website. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sunshine Always!